Article in the Daily Times, 25.11.2013
VIEW : Reassigning our gender role — Hilde Jacobs
As soon as women come out of their dependence on men, the problem of gender inequality and discrimination against girls will disappear
The article by Haroon Mustafa Janjua, ‘To be a woman in Pakistan’ (Daily Times, October 15, 2013) is a very well written contribution to the general description of women living in Pakistan. Although being a German citizen I experienced an almost-rape in Karachi where I was married to a very kind and loving Muslim diplomat many years ago, I was only saved due to my strong will to teach the rapist a lesson by biting his hand severely the moment he tried to keep me from shouting for help. Allah was with me of course when this rascal took his hands off me because he was distorted with pain. Therefore, I could flee without being raped.
But then, I asked myself what would have happened in case of a real rape? Would I have been stoned or condemned and told to bring four male witnesses to court? I cannot find a satisfactory reply.
Coming to know an intellectual couple in an urban area of Pakistan, he being a teacher/sociologist and she a teacher, I was shocked to learn that both are living, closely connected, in a sort of ‘fool’s paradise’, firmly believing they are a happy, loving couple.
This couple only separates when going to work and in the evening when the husband goes off to meet male friends with the intention of having a chat, a smoke and a cup of whatever, keeping all this secret from his wife. The wife stays at home. When I pointed out to the husband that probably he would not like his wife behaving as he does, he lamented, “But what am I to do? My wife does not like me to smoke and drink inside our house.” This argument left me speechless.
What I think is even worse is his making the effort to hide his mental state from her. Out of misinterpreted care, he does not open his heart and mind to her. He is actually treating her like a child whom he does not trust to be strong enough to cope with all sorts of difficulties. This caring is of course well meant and I do not blame him for it but misunderstandings are bound to arise.
Whenever this husband has to go abroad for a couple of days, his wife is full of fear and distrust. Consequently, he has to ring her up several times a day. I wonder why she is scared. Is it jealousy? Is it fear he might not come back to her? On the other hand, he must be feeling like he lives in a cage, constantly under control and never coming to know how to use his ‘wings’. To end this chain of possessive love, distrust, concealment and lack of freedom, the wife could address her husband like this, “Look here, my dear husband, let us strike a compromise. You tell me frankly what you are doing outside the house and what your worries are, if any. After all, to be married means to share good and bad times. Please, do not spare me from harm and trouble, else you will make me feel less important for you. Together we will be able to move mountains if necessary! In return, I will trust you fully.”
How can people develop with increasing democracy and equality of gender if even those with intelligence do not have the slightest idea as to what true love between a male and female means? How can women be respected in general when husbands are looking for ways to flee the couple’s clinginess by betraying their wives?
I would like to go further: when a grown up woman does not know how to show her integrity, self-determination and self-respect to the man by claiming her right to equality then how do you expect the citizens or fanatics to care for the welfare and freedom of females from birth? The depictions given above are the reason why newly born female babies are not welcome.
As soon as women come out of their dependence on men, the problem of gender inequality and discrimination against girls will disappear. Rape, child-marriage and the expectations of women to ‘serve the master’ are partly created by females themselves. They are not yet aware that we are not living in the Middle Ages any more. It is quite comfortable for some married women to have somebody by their side deciding matters of the household, shopping, child education and budget finances. Instead of sharing these routine matters, they are left to the husband. Thus, he is the one who dominates the family although his wife is clever enough to make him believe, she is keeping things firmly under control.
What makes me sad is the fact that these women still depend on men and are not willing or are unable to support those few wonderful female examples slogging away on the improvement of the situation in Pakistan. Malala, a 16-year-old girl, has the courage to face not only the cruelties done to her and others by the Taliban but to face violence in general by open speech. Her stoic and persistent behaviour, when appearing as a fighter for women in regards to education and training, is a shining example for all of us. It makes me feel ashamed to be shown by a girl, almost a child, what heroism means. Why are we not following and supporting her? I do not know a single person with the guts to join her in her struggle for justice and freedom of choice concerning education and further studies for females. Should our admiration and praise for her remain nothing but lip service, instead of suiting the action to the word? It is beyond question that this would mean taking the risk of being shot by the Taliban just as it happened to dear young Malala. Are all of us too cowardly to take this risk for the sake of development and progress of girls and women in a country in dire need of social, economic and cultural adaptation?
I would like to ask all males in Pakistan: how will you carry on without women at all? If due to your hatred for girl-children there are no females left after you have killed them all, then who will care for your offspring? After all, males cannot bear children, can they?
At this point, I would like to call out finally to my dear Pakistani women: please, change your way of life! Be conscious of yourself! Be yourself! Do not continue to be self-denying! Show the power hidden in your body and soul! Show your husbands, brothers, sons and fathers that you are ready to carry your life in your hands. Do not be scared of the fact that your husbands might leave you due to egoistic reasons! Show them that you can do without them if necessary. Do not blame yourself for the misbehaviour of males. Do not self-pityingly cry about sexual violence and the autocratic behaviour of men. As Haroon Janjua states at the end of his excellent article I call on you: “It is not enough to weep. It is time to act.”
Hilde Jacobs is a German citizen and freelance columnist. She may be contacted at [email protected]
But then, I asked myself what would have happened in case of a real rape? Would I have been stoned or condemned and told to bring four male witnesses to court? I cannot find a satisfactory reply.
Coming to know an intellectual couple in an urban area of Pakistan, he being a teacher/sociologist and she a teacher, I was shocked to learn that both are living, closely connected, in a sort of ‘fool’s paradise’, firmly believing they are a happy, loving couple.
This couple only separates when going to work and in the evening when the husband goes off to meet male friends with the intention of having a chat, a smoke and a cup of whatever, keeping all this secret from his wife. The wife stays at home. When I pointed out to the husband that probably he would not like his wife behaving as he does, he lamented, “But what am I to do? My wife does not like me to smoke and drink inside our house.” This argument left me speechless.
What I think is even worse is his making the effort to hide his mental state from her. Out of misinterpreted care, he does not open his heart and mind to her. He is actually treating her like a child whom he does not trust to be strong enough to cope with all sorts of difficulties. This caring is of course well meant and I do not blame him for it but misunderstandings are bound to arise.
Whenever this husband has to go abroad for a couple of days, his wife is full of fear and distrust. Consequently, he has to ring her up several times a day. I wonder why she is scared. Is it jealousy? Is it fear he might not come back to her? On the other hand, he must be feeling like he lives in a cage, constantly under control and never coming to know how to use his ‘wings’. To end this chain of possessive love, distrust, concealment and lack of freedom, the wife could address her husband like this, “Look here, my dear husband, let us strike a compromise. You tell me frankly what you are doing outside the house and what your worries are, if any. After all, to be married means to share good and bad times. Please, do not spare me from harm and trouble, else you will make me feel less important for you. Together we will be able to move mountains if necessary! In return, I will trust you fully.”
How can people develop with increasing democracy and equality of gender if even those with intelligence do not have the slightest idea as to what true love between a male and female means? How can women be respected in general when husbands are looking for ways to flee the couple’s clinginess by betraying their wives?
I would like to go further: when a grown up woman does not know how to show her integrity, self-determination and self-respect to the man by claiming her right to equality then how do you expect the citizens or fanatics to care for the welfare and freedom of females from birth? The depictions given above are the reason why newly born female babies are not welcome.
As soon as women come out of their dependence on men, the problem of gender inequality and discrimination against girls will disappear. Rape, child-marriage and the expectations of women to ‘serve the master’ are partly created by females themselves. They are not yet aware that we are not living in the Middle Ages any more. It is quite comfortable for some married women to have somebody by their side deciding matters of the household, shopping, child education and budget finances. Instead of sharing these routine matters, they are left to the husband. Thus, he is the one who dominates the family although his wife is clever enough to make him believe, she is keeping things firmly under control.
What makes me sad is the fact that these women still depend on men and are not willing or are unable to support those few wonderful female examples slogging away on the improvement of the situation in Pakistan. Malala, a 16-year-old girl, has the courage to face not only the cruelties done to her and others by the Taliban but to face violence in general by open speech. Her stoic and persistent behaviour, when appearing as a fighter for women in regards to education and training, is a shining example for all of us. It makes me feel ashamed to be shown by a girl, almost a child, what heroism means. Why are we not following and supporting her? I do not know a single person with the guts to join her in her struggle for justice and freedom of choice concerning education and further studies for females. Should our admiration and praise for her remain nothing but lip service, instead of suiting the action to the word? It is beyond question that this would mean taking the risk of being shot by the Taliban just as it happened to dear young Malala. Are all of us too cowardly to take this risk for the sake of development and progress of girls and women in a country in dire need of social, economic and cultural adaptation?
I would like to ask all males in Pakistan: how will you carry on without women at all? If due to your hatred for girl-children there are no females left after you have killed them all, then who will care for your offspring? After all, males cannot bear children, can they?
At this point, I would like to call out finally to my dear Pakistani women: please, change your way of life! Be conscious of yourself! Be yourself! Do not continue to be self-denying! Show the power hidden in your body and soul! Show your husbands, brothers, sons and fathers that you are ready to carry your life in your hands. Do not be scared of the fact that your husbands might leave you due to egoistic reasons! Show them that you can do without them if necessary. Do not blame yourself for the misbehaviour of males. Do not self-pityingly cry about sexual violence and the autocratic behaviour of men. As Haroon Janjua states at the end of his excellent article I call on you: “It is not enough to weep. It is time to act.”
Hilde Jacobs is a German citizen and freelance columnist. She may be contacted at [email protected]
By Hilde Jacobs already sent to President Obama.
December, 2009
Dear President Obama,
the Open Letter from Michael Moore addressed to you has impressed me to a great extent. He begs you to stop the war in Afghanistan in such a fine, devoted and peaceful manner, that I am touched to the core of my heart, and I cannot but imagine that the same happens to you.
Please, Mr. President, give Mr. Moore an ear and consider his request to stop the war in Afghanistan carefully. He states: “We people still love you. We the people still have a sliver of hope”. So it is with us, the Germans, as well.
Let me assure you, that many of my relatives and friends not only in Germany but also in Afghanistan and in Pakistan do still have confidence in you, your clear thinking and sense of justice.
Whenever I express my doubts about your goodwill and your ability to struggle for freedom and peace in the world, especially so in Afghanistan and Pakistan, my daughter (47) defends you vehemently: “Give him time; he will find a way to keep his promises; he is the best reliable American President we ever had over decades…!”
It is my sincere wish to believe her, but – as Mr. Moore points out – “we people can’t take it any more! We can’t take your caving in, over and over!” And we agree with him: It’s your job to tell the generals what to do, not the other way around.
At this point I would like to become a little private:
1. In the sixties I married a very kind natured cosmopolitical Pakistan Muslim diplomat. Unfortunately he died some years ago, but his humble spirit is still with me.
In his lifetime he once said to me: “I try to kill the anger of the people with my kindness”. Actually he never ever had real enemies. He always solved problems by discussing them instead of quarrelling. And to the best of my knowledge the great majority of the (Pakistan) Moslems are peace loving, inoffensive and charming like him.
2. I am in contact with some German journalists who know the desolate situation in Afghanistan and Pakistan very well. I read all books with subject to the war in Iraq and Afghanistan written by Jürgen Todenhöfer, who was one of the first journalists visiting Afghanistan while the Russians had the country still occupied. As can be seen from his books and articles Mr. Todenhöfer is in close contact since long with the war-torn suffering people of Algeria, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, and he donates most of his author royalty by building hospitals and refuges for war wounded children. He frankly stands for his conviction that the prevailing incredibly imprudent behaviour of all occupying forces in these countries in the past and present is detestable, two-faced and inhuman.
Furthermore I maintain a lively correspondence with quite a few political analysts, in Germany and in Pakistan as well. All those journalists and analysts without exception pursue the one and single aim: to convince all politicians involved that the war must be stopped without delay!
It is my wish and duty to lay emphasis on a certain definition of the country and its inhabitants, for I lived in Pakistan myself and converted to Islam when marrying my husband. I was borne in Germany but Pakistan is my homeland, too, and I am longing to visit it, if not even stay there for good. I am eager to see again all the amazing and thrilling places where my husband took me so long ago.
I am quite old now and would like to be accompanied by my daughter, who after being borne in Germany, never met her Pakistan father since we could not return to Pakistan due to personal and political reasons (one dictation ship after another – foreign wives were not welcome at that time, mainly by the Government my husband was working for). Details of our unhappy love story you could find in my book – provided your having time and interest to read it – for which to my regret I cannot find a publisher.
Some very affectionate and loving friends and relatives of my former husband are inviting us in a very endearing way to meet and live with them in Pakistan. However, my daughter and her husband both are well known lawyers; consequently my daughter fears to be involved in kidnapping or bomb attacks in the beloved country, where she was conceived but not borne, and which she naturally would be very eager to come to know.
Considering all this I think I am quite able to form an opinion regarding the miserable situation around the Hindu Kush, despite the fact of being just an average Joe. It is painfully obvious, that not only the Pakistan commonalty but the intellectual middle and upper class people as well are in a desperate spiritual condition regarding the military conflicts and not least because of the interference of the USA and the Western Governments.
With their usual brave and sovereign self-composure the Pakistan and Afghanistan people endure all sorts of weapons of war including the bomb attacks of the Taliban.
The unbroken pride and the humorous way they are handling violence, destruction and death could be an inspiring example for many Western people.
But deep inside we are – I use “we” purposely – hurt and traumatized. We simply don’t want to lose our self-determination. We don’t want to be treated like infants.
Please, Mr. President, don’t let down these age long shaken countries. Do save the most beautiful landscape and the innumerable cultural sides from devastation in this part of the world.
Joining Michael Moore I call on you: For God’s sake stop the war!
We are counting on you.
Yours most sincerely,
Hilde Jacobs
P.S. I will send a copy of this letter to Michael Moore.
December, 2009
Dear President Obama,
the Open Letter from Michael Moore addressed to you has impressed me to a great extent. He begs you to stop the war in Afghanistan in such a fine, devoted and peaceful manner, that I am touched to the core of my heart, and I cannot but imagine that the same happens to you.
Please, Mr. President, give Mr. Moore an ear and consider his request to stop the war in Afghanistan carefully. He states: “We people still love you. We the people still have a sliver of hope”. So it is with us, the Germans, as well.
Let me assure you, that many of my relatives and friends not only in Germany but also in Afghanistan and in Pakistan do still have confidence in you, your clear thinking and sense of justice.
Whenever I express my doubts about your goodwill and your ability to struggle for freedom and peace in the world, especially so in Afghanistan and Pakistan, my daughter (47) defends you vehemently: “Give him time; he will find a way to keep his promises; he is the best reliable American President we ever had over decades…!”
It is my sincere wish to believe her, but – as Mr. Moore points out – “we people can’t take it any more! We can’t take your caving in, over and over!” And we agree with him: It’s your job to tell the generals what to do, not the other way around.
At this point I would like to become a little private:
1. In the sixties I married a very kind natured cosmopolitical Pakistan Muslim diplomat. Unfortunately he died some years ago, but his humble spirit is still with me.
In his lifetime he once said to me: “I try to kill the anger of the people with my kindness”. Actually he never ever had real enemies. He always solved problems by discussing them instead of quarrelling. And to the best of my knowledge the great majority of the (Pakistan) Moslems are peace loving, inoffensive and charming like him.
2. I am in contact with some German journalists who know the desolate situation in Afghanistan and Pakistan very well. I read all books with subject to the war in Iraq and Afghanistan written by Jürgen Todenhöfer, who was one of the first journalists visiting Afghanistan while the Russians had the country still occupied. As can be seen from his books and articles Mr. Todenhöfer is in close contact since long with the war-torn suffering people of Algeria, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan, and he donates most of his author royalty by building hospitals and refuges for war wounded children. He frankly stands for his conviction that the prevailing incredibly imprudent behaviour of all occupying forces in these countries in the past and present is detestable, two-faced and inhuman.
Furthermore I maintain a lively correspondence with quite a few political analysts, in Germany and in Pakistan as well. All those journalists and analysts without exception pursue the one and single aim: to convince all politicians involved that the war must be stopped without delay!
It is my wish and duty to lay emphasis on a certain definition of the country and its inhabitants, for I lived in Pakistan myself and converted to Islam when marrying my husband. I was borne in Germany but Pakistan is my homeland, too, and I am longing to visit it, if not even stay there for good. I am eager to see again all the amazing and thrilling places where my husband took me so long ago.
I am quite old now and would like to be accompanied by my daughter, who after being borne in Germany, never met her Pakistan father since we could not return to Pakistan due to personal and political reasons (one dictation ship after another – foreign wives were not welcome at that time, mainly by the Government my husband was working for). Details of our unhappy love story you could find in my book – provided your having time and interest to read it – for which to my regret I cannot find a publisher.
Some very affectionate and loving friends and relatives of my former husband are inviting us in a very endearing way to meet and live with them in Pakistan. However, my daughter and her husband both are well known lawyers; consequently my daughter fears to be involved in kidnapping or bomb attacks in the beloved country, where she was conceived but not borne, and which she naturally would be very eager to come to know.
Considering all this I think I am quite able to form an opinion regarding the miserable situation around the Hindu Kush, despite the fact of being just an average Joe. It is painfully obvious, that not only the Pakistan commonalty but the intellectual middle and upper class people as well are in a desperate spiritual condition regarding the military conflicts and not least because of the interference of the USA and the Western Governments.
With their usual brave and sovereign self-composure the Pakistan and Afghanistan people endure all sorts of weapons of war including the bomb attacks of the Taliban.
The unbroken pride and the humorous way they are handling violence, destruction and death could be an inspiring example for many Western people.
But deep inside we are – I use “we” purposely – hurt and traumatized. We simply don’t want to lose our self-determination. We don’t want to be treated like infants.
Please, Mr. President, don’t let down these age long shaken countries. Do save the most beautiful landscape and the innumerable cultural sides from devastation in this part of the world.
Joining Michael Moore I call on you: For God’s sake stop the war!
We are counting on you.
Yours most sincerely,
Hilde Jacobs
P.S. I will send a copy of this letter to Michael Moore.
German Advice
"Being a citizen
and resident of Germany, it
is not easy to access news about Pakistan. But a few weeks back, the
news of Pakistani Rangers shooting a young Pakistani boy to death was
highlighted by the Western media. It was shocking for me to hear about this
inhuman act exercised by your forces on the innocent youth of your society.
Though I know that today Pakistan
is faced with multiple problems like terrorism, extremism, low literacy rate,
poor health facilities and energy crises etc., still I do not expect this kind
of cruelty from a country that has a history of culture and civilization since
times when Europe was stuck in the depths of
middle-age.
I have lived in Pakistan for two years, so I am quite aware of the situation on ground but generally in Germany, it is believed that terrorism is spreading from Pakistan and Afghanistan solely. This thought is developing hatred, among Germans for Pakistan, and they think of her as a failed state. I do not agree with them. Germany lost two World Wars. Her economy was destroyed and the whole infrastructure of the country was damaged by heavy bombardment. But, with the collective efforts of the government and the people, Germany was back on her feet in relatively short span of time. So why is Pakistan not able to explore its potential?
In my opinion, the Pakistan’s most valuable potential is the Pakistani youth. By tracing different media, I have found out that the majority of young males and females of Pakistan possess great potential, and are keen to hold peaceful, tolerant and harmonic dialogues with the establishments on positive reforms (as for example the group 'VNG Voice of New Generation'). They are willing to collaborate with the authorities for the betterment of Pakistan. Now it is golden chance for the government to integrate Pakistani youth in the political and secular decisions of all concerns. This change of course may bring positive developments in Pakistan thereby disapproving the statement, “Pakistan is a failed state.”
H.J./U.Q.
341 Wörter, am 16.7.2011 mit Anschreiben per E-Mail an DAWN abgeschickt.
Article appeared in DAWN on 2011/07/20
I have lived in Pakistan for two years, so I am quite aware of the situation on ground but generally in Germany, it is believed that terrorism is spreading from Pakistan and Afghanistan solely. This thought is developing hatred, among Germans for Pakistan, and they think of her as a failed state. I do not agree with them. Germany lost two World Wars. Her economy was destroyed and the whole infrastructure of the country was damaged by heavy bombardment. But, with the collective efforts of the government and the people, Germany was back on her feet in relatively short span of time. So why is Pakistan not able to explore its potential?
In my opinion, the Pakistan’s most valuable potential is the Pakistani youth. By tracing different media, I have found out that the majority of young males and females of Pakistan possess great potential, and are keen to hold peaceful, tolerant and harmonic dialogues with the establishments on positive reforms (as for example the group 'VNG Voice of New Generation'). They are willing to collaborate with the authorities for the betterment of Pakistan. Now it is golden chance for the government to integrate Pakistani youth in the political and secular decisions of all concerns. This change of course may bring positive developments in Pakistan thereby disapproving the statement, “Pakistan is a failed state.”
H.J./U.Q.
341 Wörter, am 16.7.2011 mit Anschreiben per E-Mail an DAWN abgeschickt.
Article appeared in DAWN on 2011/07/20
Articles
“Racism” by Hilde Jacobs By Dialogue Times Posted on August 13, 2017 Post Views: 93 What does it mean if a young guy from Pakistan is posting racist comments or pictures on his Facebook page? He should mind that some Europeans or rather people belonging to the “white race” are numbering Pakistanis and Indians also among the dark-colored race indeed! So does he want to revolt against this simple minded but at the same time also dangerous classification towards him and his fellows by insulting other races as for instance “Africans”? Or is he really thinking to be superior to them, because they are a little darker skinned then the guy himself? What is even more sickening is the fact that his father is a teacher. I dare not picture to myself what he teaches his pupils resp. students concerning this subject, if he is not even in a position to inflict his own son to behave morally and socially sober concerning other races. Some of you might sneer at my moral outrage because they think the racist pics are only a joke of a pubertal youngster. But no, please, believe me, I am a German citizen and I know how our dictator Hitler came to create the Holocaust in WW II! If the German people had nipped things in the bud then it would not have come to the horrible cruel treatment of other than the so called “Nordic Race”-People with blue eyes and fair skin. Does the guy not know that Moslems are not welcomed in Germany (Europe)? Did he never come to know that the murderers of the NSU are about to be imprisoned for years or even lifelong? What is their indictment? Hunting and killing people of other races who had come here to live a protected life! Neo-Nazism is on the rise nowadays. He should know that if he intends to come here for a visit he will be in great danger, since his phiz is looking quite frightful for some of the German citizens: long sharp shaped nose, coal black hair and beard, and they surely will not hesitate to hunt him too! My appeal is addressed to all boastful and arrogant young people in Pakistan: Be quiet about all kinds of humans, including those who have a dark skin, another religion than Islam, other conceptions of sex and gender and last not least about disabled persons. Learn to be tolerant and empathic towards all creatures not forgetting all suffering animals of course! HILDE-HABIBA JACOBS IS A WRITER AND HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVIST BASED IN GERMANY. |